Unrequited
by Michelle Clover
Summary: An angst ridden present for the Santa exchange. Bethany has been in love with Anders since their first meeting, but she has always been afraid to tell him how she feels. To make matters worse, she is afraid that he is already in love with someone else, her older sister Melody. Characters taken from a previous fic entitled Home At Last.


**A/N- As always, Bioware owns all.**

The Hawke sisters and their companions finally had the coin together for the Deep Roads expedition and even enough left over to throw a party in Varric's private room at the Hanged Man complete with all the spirits they could drink. That last job helping the templars find their missing recruits had definitely paid off. Knight-Captain Cullen had been more than generous with his bounty.

Bethany sat between Varric and Merrill sipping a glass of wine and, for the first time since they arrived in Kirkwall, was thoroughly enjoying herself. She giggled as she watched her big sister, Melody, and Isabela try to see who could down a pint of ale faster. Melody, of course, won. Isabela may have been a pirate and spent most of her time drinking, but no one could hold a candle to the eldest Hawke sibling when it came to a competition…any competition. Melody always had to be the best at everything. It was one of the things that used to upset their brother most about her.

The young mage's eyes moved down the table until they met the soft amber eyes of the most handsome man Bethany had ever seen. She felt a wild fluttering in her stomach when he flashed one of his signature half smiles. The younger Hawke had fallen head over heels for the healer almost immediately upon making his acquaintance. He was kind, caring, sexy, witty…everything she thought a man should be. Even though he was several years older, it made no difference to Bethany, she was in love with him just the same.

The only problem was, he had no clue that she felt that way about him. So many times she considered sneaking off to Darktown after Melody had gone to bed just so she could talk to him, to finally reveal her feelings to him, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. The fear of rejection was debilitating. Besides, she wasn't blind enough not to notice the way Anders looked at her sister when he thought no one was paying any attention. Melody, however, didn't seem the least bit interested in him. Why in the Maker's name didn't he notice her, sitting there silently loving him that entire time?

At that very moment, however, he wasn't looking at Melody, he was smiling at her. Bethany could feel her face flush so she bit her lower lip and peered down at her feet. A small band that Varric had procured for the occasion struck a lively tune and Bethany couldn't help but tap her toes in time to the music. When she dared a peek back at Anders, she saw him walking toward her and her heart leapt. When he stopped before her and held out his hand, she thought she might faint dead away her heart was pounding so fast within her chest.

"Would you care to dance?" he asked. All Bethany could manage was a nod as she slipped her hand into his and found her feet. Her knees nearly buckled from her weight and he caught her in his strong arms. "A little too much wine?" he inquired with an easy laugh.

"Sorry" she whispered shyly.

He grinned. "Don't worry about it. Just hold on to me. I promise I won't let you fall. Are you ready?"

She nodded, maybe a bit too eagerly and he began spinning her around. She had only had one glass of wine, but twirling around the dance floor being held so closely by Anders was making Bethany light headed. He smiled down at her as he hummed along to the music.

"You know, it just occurred to me. This is the first time I've danced since I was in Amaranthine. Don't tell anybody this, but you're a much better partner than the commander was."

"You mean the Hero of Ferelden?"

"The very one and the same. She may have been good at fighting darkspawn, but she was a terrible dancer. Stepped on my feet the entire time. My toes were sore for a week." Bethany giggled at the mental picture that Anders had painted and he chuckled. "There's that smile we all love so much. You know, there's a reason Varric calls you Sunshine. You can brighten the Deep Roads with that smile."

Bethany couldn't help but give a swooning sigh at his words. If it was at all possible, she knew she would have melted on the spot. When the music finally ended, Anders flourished a small bow, kissed the back of her hand and then her cheek. "Thanks for the dance, Beth" he whispered.

The way he said her name caused her too swoon for a second time. He circled to go back to his seat, only to discover that Merrill had moved to it in order to talk to Isabela. He shrugged as his attention returned to Bethany. "Well, it looks like my chair is now occupied. Do you mind if I keep you company for a while?"

The younger Hawke shook her head and Anders placed a gentle hand on her back to help her to her seat. They sat there for several moments and Bethany began kicking herself because she was too tongue tied to say anything. After another ten minutes, Anders began to look around the room, obviously bored, until he and Varric struck up a conversation about the healer's days at the Tower of Magi in Ferelden. Bethany listened in awe to Anders' tales about how he escaped the tower for the second time.

When he was finished, he stood and walked over to the man playing the lute. He bent and whispered something in the musician's ear and the music changed to a soft, romantic tune. Bethany's whole body began to tremble as she waited for Anders to ask her to dance again, but he didn't even look in her direction as he made his way to her sister's side.

The young mage's heart sank when she watched Melody smile and nod before taking Anders' hand. She couldn't bear to watch them dancing slowly around the room, so she turned her attention back to the glass she was holding.

"I don't know why you're wasting your time with that stuff, sweet pea" she heard Isabela say as the pirate pushed a bottle of clear liquid under her nose. "I've seen that look way too many times not to recognize a broken heart. And the best cure I know for a broken heart is Rivaini rum."

Bethany scowled at the pirate's offering, but when she caught a glimpse of Anders whispering in Melody's ear as they danced, she yanked the bottle out of Isabela's hand and took a big swig of the stuff. Immediately, the younger woman began coughing and thought she might vomit, but took another swallow anyway.

Bethany didn't even realize how much she drank until she went to take another swig and found the bottle empty. She felt a hand on her bicep trying to pull her from her chair and she pushed it away angrily. "Leave me alone, you bugger."

"Come on Beth" she heard her sister say. "We need to get you home so you can sleep this off. Mother will be furious if I leave you here."

"Fuck you, you backstabbing bitch!" the younger Hawke shrieked. "Void take you and that bloody bastard. Leave me alone."

"What in the Maker's name are you talking about, Beth?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm surprised the two of you weren't trying to suck each other's faces off." She looked up and even though the image of Melody she saw was blurry, she could still tell that her sister was completely dumbfounded by her words. Bethany sighed. "Do I need to draw you a picture? And people call you the smart one. Anders! That's what I'm talking about, you stupid whore."

"Dear sweet Maker, Isabela. What in Andraste's name did you give her?"

"Just a little Rivaini rum."

"Did you have to let her drink the whole bottle?"

"She looked like she could use it."

"You and I are going to have to have a serious discussion about this later, my friend. But for right now, you need to help me get her home."

"I'm not going anywhere with you" Bethany hollered.

"Beth, I'm trying to be understanding because you're drunk, but my patience is wearing thin. As far as Anders is concerned, there is nothing going on between the two of us. I know how you feel about him and you should know that I would never do anything to hurt you."

"Really?" the younger Hawke pouted. "It just looked like the two of you were getting awfully close while you were dancing."

"I swear to you, Beth, that's all it was. Just a dance and when it was finished, Anders went home."

Bethany felt as if she might cry. She should have known that Melody wouldn't hurt her like that. "I'm sorry, Mel. Can you ever forgive me?"

Her sister smoothed back her hair and looked her right in the eyes. "Of course. You're my sister Beth. I could never stay mad at you. Now are you ready to go home?"

Bethany nodded and allowed Melody and Isabela to help her to her feet and down the stairs. They were almost to the door, when Fenris stopped them. The elf seemed almost as drunk as she was as he pulled Melody off to the side, leaving Isabela holding onto Bethany alone. After a few minutes, Isabela helped the younger Hawke into a chair and took off as well.

As Bethany sat there by herself, she began thinking. While they were dancing, she had felt a connection to Anders unlike anything she had ever experienced before. Surely he felt it too. Maybe he hadn't realized that she liked him in that way. It wasn't as if she had ever let on about it when they were together. And even if he could never share her feelings, maybe they could have just one night together, one magical, unforgettable night. Maybe if he discovered that she loved him enough to give her virginity to him he might realize that he loved her too.

The young mage's thoughts were all jumbled and mixed together and she wasn't sure about anything at that moment except for the fact that she had to go to Anders. She had to take a chance. She slipped out the door and staggered down the street to the entrance to Darktown. She didn't even think about how dangerous it might be for her to be alone out at night, especially while she was drunk. She just knew that she had to see Anders.

It seemed like it was hours before Bethany finally found the entrance to the clinic. She tried to open the door only to find it bolted shut so she began pounding on it as loudly as she could. After several minutes, Anders opened the door and Bethany's breath caught in her throat at the sight of him. His blonde hair was unbound and curtained his face and he wore only a pair of tan trousers.

"Beth?" he asked sleepily. "What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

In answer to his question, she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. When she pulled away, she stared up at him pleadingly. "I love you, Anders. I always have. I want you to make love to me. I want you to be my first."

The healer's brow furrowed as he led her inside and shut the door behind them. Bethany grabbed him and kissed him again, but he pulled himself from her embrace. "Beth…I…I'm flattered. I mean you're a beautiful girl, but you're drunk. I'm pretty sure if we were to make love, you would regret it in the morning. I mean, we hardly know each other."

"I know you well enough to know that I love you" she told him.

He smoothed back her dark brown hair and gave her a sad smile. "There are so many things about me you don't realize. Terrible things. I would only end up hurting you, sweetheart."

"I don't care about Justice. I don't. We can work past that."

He sighed heavily. "Bethany…I'm sorry…I just can't."

Tears began to stream down the young mage's cheeks. "It's Melody, isn't it? You're in love with Melody."

"It's not that" he tried to reassure her.

She nodded frantically. "Yes it is. I see the way you look at her. But…I would be so much better for you, Anders. Melody could never understand you the way I do."

She felt his lips on her forehead. "I'm sorry, Beth. But the answer is no. I have many reasons and none of them have anything to do with your sister."

Bethany could feel her heart crumbling within her chest. She could hardly breathe from the crushing weight of her sorrow. She stared up into his amber eyes right before bursting into wrenching sobs. She turned to run out the door, but he grabbed her arm. "Don't go. Not like this. You're welcome to stay in my bed and I'll take one of the cots. You'll feel better about this in the morning, I promise."

She shook her head as she backed away and pulled her arm from him, then took off into the night as fast as her legs could carry her. She would never forget the way he looked at her as if she were nothing but a lovesick child, not as long as she lived. How would she ever face him again? The only thing she did know was that it was over. Anders would never love her and that was something she would just have to learn to live with.


End file.
